i don't know if i could fully describe how bad my day is today....

if only you my mom and everyone else in my family could understand...

firstly i am unwell i took my panadols cos i know you wouldn't bring me to the doc or jus ask me go myself so wats the point of telling you?

i could jus take panadols by myself.

but still the throat is killing me. =(

im a grown up. i dun have to tell u im sick like a lil kid, do i?

knock on your door in the middle of the night and say "mummy i have a fever"

and i jolly well know the response, a grouchy you waking up and tell me to take panadols..




then u have to come home nagging about me not able to find my NS letter....

u said it has been a week and i still haven gone searching..

but i tired... i jus couldnt find..

i left it on living room table. u are the one who goes packing that place up.

so now u ask me where i left it.....

goodness...

you told me to pack the house...

i did what i could.

i packed my roomed, clean the floor, clean the toilet, did the laundry, wash the dishes...

and u didnt even say a thing...

why cant u ask my lousy brother to do it?

cos u know in your mind that u cant make him do it right?

u spoil him rotten...

you keep calling me everyday asking why am i out? why cant i stay at home..

and when i'm at home u are always locked in your room....

so why am i so needed to be at home, when i dun even get to talk to you...



then u go on saying that daddy is angry.

angry tat i didnt keep the letter properly...

and would be more angry if he couldn't send me in that day because we don't have the entry coupons...

den i would say... tell him not to go. no BIG.!

i dun really care a shit now..




and she have to go on saying that after so much i have studied...

.. i have to go sell clothes..

this really pisst me off.

and i really wanted to rebuke her with all my 101 reasons but i cut myself short with a disappointed sigh.... hiaz.

whats the point of arguing..?

do you think i really wanted to work in GAP for 8 mths...?

com'on i thought i would go into army like june/july and from the period of march to june/july, 3-4 months, which good engineering company would hire me?

and it is difficult to find jobs in my field when i know i could possibly only work for 3-4 mths...

damn. and the army has to let me in late. and wat do u expect me to do now?

quit gap and find a job related to my cert? and wat now for another 3-4 mths...

who is gonna hire me...?!!!

i flip the papers, i find no such offers...

you know i so wanted to leave gap before i went over to suntec...

and thats because i couldn't find another engineer kinda job thats why i agreed to dawn's offer.

my mom just wants to find every single opportunity to be mad at me.

never giving me a chance to explains.

and even if she did, my words means nothing...

and she will disagree to everything i say...

and if i say more, she would be more angrier.

so why not i jus shut up.

you continue screaming...

and dun send me off.....

im better off alone.

serious...

all you do is complain to everyone else what bad things i have done, how bad a son i am...

i can never be on par with ur expectation...

com'on im the only child that is going to an University.

and i will be nothing compared to my brother who idles at home all day long playing computer and his things are messier then mine.

he could fail for all his subject and she jus says nothing.

and when i get a B. i get reprimanded...

people would thank GOD for giving them even a passing mark you know.!

and im the useless son...

you make me feel like going in and never come out....

and sometimes i feel i don't belong in this stupid house..

i am what you brought me up to be, remember that...